by Ian Roesler
Derek “Daddy Derek” Savage is an author and filmmaker most known for his kids’ safety public service announcement: Cool Cat Saves the Kids. Derek Savage’s masterpiece first became internet famous after Adum from Your Movie Sucks did a review of the film February 2015. The channel I Hate Everything (IHE) then did a review of the film, which prompted Derek Savage to take action to a level the depths of man could only dream of. And soon he’ll be directing his next film Cool Cat Stops a School Shooting. But first some information about the greatest filmmaker to ever live.
Derek Savage was born in Virginia on May 13, 1962. He currently lives in Las Vegas, Nevada. And yes ladies, he’s single. As previously mentioned he’s most known for his creation Cool Cat which he promotes as much as humanly possible, but he’s also the creator of Bible Birdie, Trolly the Trout, the film Gun Self-Defense for Ladies/Women, three novels, and a glorious website.
His website won the Golden Web Award from 2001-2003. And it shows. This award is given out for website design. Going through his website reveals that he was in Playgirl, complete with a picture. Also, on his website are links to all of the children’s content he’s created, but also has some stuff for more mature audiences. So, far the only things that are available for purchase are Cool Cat related items and stuff related to the film Gun Self-Defense for Ladies/Women. Everything else is coming soon and it said that when I placed an order in January. Honestly, just check it out, words cannot do it justice.
— YMS (Adum) (@2gay2lift) April 7, 2017
The only info about Bible Birdie are the two sentences on the website. A bird befriends Jesus and they go on adventures.
Trolly the Trout
There are three Trolly the Trout books: Trolly Makes Friends, Trolly and the Necklace, and Trolly Finds a Gun. Yes, a trout finds a gun. A gun underwater. There’s also a matching game and cartoon. I tried to download them, but I received a message that the files would harm my computer. So, I have no idea what they’re about.
Again only two sentences describe this book. Some animals go to the circus and become the main act. Which leaves one to wonder what attractions does this circus have? Surely, they must have lions or elephants or something. One of the characters is named Else Elephant. I think he meant Elise, but who knows?
Gun Self-Defense for Ladies/Women
This movie is a self-defense that covers guns, mace, knives, karate, and stun guns. So this movie was originally called Gun Self-Defense for Women and then recently he just changed it to Gun Self-Defense for Ladies. On his website there are pictures and links that say one or the other, but also makes it known that this is also for men. For this one you can buy just the DVD or one of two packages: DVD and pepper spray or you can opt for the “Don’t Mess with Me” package which includes the DVD, pepper spray, and a stun gun. I imagine if he could include a gun, he would. His philosophy is that everyone should be armed. Sure, why not. And now for the main event (drums rolling)
If Daddy Derek is God, then Cool Cat is his son/prophet and Momma Cat is the Virgin Mary. But the relationship between Daddy Derek and Cool Cat is closer to a pimp and a prostitute. If you watch any of his videos he promotes his son shamelessly. In nearly every video on his YouTube channel he usually says “Hi, I’m Derek Savage, creator of Cool Cat” and somewhere towards the end “And remember: Cool Cat loves you.” I imagine he also uses a variation of those when picking up women. “Hi, I’m Derek Savage, creator of Cool Cat but you can call me Daddy Derek, creator of Cool Cat.” According to the Official Derek Savage Wiki (his website) Cool Cat was his imaginary friend as a child. Cool Cat spans a five books, one/two movies, and an upcoming movie.
The first movie was called Cool Cat Saves the Kids. It’s an amazing movie, but a horrible PSA. I guess the best way to describe it is avant-garde. There’s not really a plot, things just sort of happen. Some advice from the movie is: if someone brings a gun to school, go into the school, tell an adult, and hide. Hopefully, this doesn’t extend to his upcoming film. And the best advice ever: you can’t really stop cyberbullying, because you don’t know who it’s coming from. It had a glorious trailer, it was so badly edited but alas it has recently been removed. Now the only to see it is to purchase the DVD. So, the Your Movie Sucks and IHE pointed out the awful edits and awkwardness in this movie. IHE pointed out that the cop in the movie is played by a male porn star.
One error I noticed is that Daddy Derek shirt changes color in scene between cuts. I recently purchased the DVD back in January and unfortunately many of the shoddy edits and awkward moments are replaced. Replaced by very obvious dubs and cuts. At first, I thought I had a defective copy, but nope. Also, it’s a DVD-ROM so Daddy Derek just burns the movie from his computer, but back to the avant-garde masterpiece. Derek Savage is referred to as Daddy Derek in the movie and ironically-unironically in real-life. Cool Cat is a full-grown man in a cat suit/ fursuit who hangs around with children all day and dispenses life advice and pictures of himself plastered all over the room. Momma Cat is the Cool Cat costume with red lips and a dress, she doesn’t do much. Maria is Cool Cat’s friend and she’s in the film prominently, but mostly talks to Cool Cat. Butch the Bully is the bully and main antagonist. If he was a sandwich he would be a ham sandwich. Then there’s Vivica A. Fox and Erik Estrada, who barring from themselves are referred to via their whole names. I don’t know how they got in this movie, I think Daddy Derek just knows them or maybe he just saw them relaxing together and filmed them. Erik Estrada is amazing in this, he and Vivica A. Fox are drinking lemonade, but either he didn’t give a damn or it ain’t lemonade. “Dare he izz” he says when Vivica A. Fox asks where Cool Cat is. No offense to Erik Estrada, but all the elementary, maybe early-middle school kids know who he is and think of him as an A-lister. I knew about him at around that age, because I happened to see him on a billboard in New Mexico. Vivica A. Fox I understand, since she was in Kill Bill, Independence Day, Ella Enchanted, and Booty Call; all of these classic kids movies. And for the last of the characters there’s three other kids who exist for PSA advice.
It has five groovy original songs all written by Daddy Derek. In the first one Daddy Derek shows off his mad guitar skills, but he doesn’t even bother to plug it in. Then there’s a scene where Cool Cat and Daddy Derek go to Hollywood. Daddy Derek shows video of various cars from popular 80’s shows and movies. Then they ride in a parade and there’s some random girl in the car waving with them. After this scene stuff happens. I remember all the scenes but it’s hard to remember when they take place, because there’s no plot. It’s all one giant NyQuil dream. There’s so much to talk about with this movie, but I want to keep this short. The credits roll and then there’s some PSAs about bullying and gun safety. Daddy Derek was obviously sincere in his attempt, misguided but sincere. The whole message of the movie is that bullying isn’t cool. Don’t be a bully.
However, shortly after IHE posted his review Derek Savage went savage on him. He first got his account flagged, then he made up a fake law firm and used it to threaten legal action. He claimed the review violated Fair Use policy. Derek “The Savage” Savage even went as far as to take IHE’s YouTube channel. He threatened other YouTubers as well, basically anyone who said anything negative him or Cool Cat. So, I’m probably gonna get threatened. These actions basically amount to bullying. If only there was some kind of PSA that addressed why bullying is bad? Maybe starring Vivica A. Fox and Erik “Dare he izz” Estrada.
If only. Eventually, it got all sorted and it turns out IHE was in fact not violating the law.
Roughly sometime in 2016 he made a new film called Gun Self-Defense for Women. It’s hard to find dates easily regarding when things are released. His website says this is coming soon, but you can actually buy it. For this movie, he created a one-off advertisement would be the best-way to describe it called The Savage Crime Show. Think the fear-mongering of the news interspersed with advertisements for his film and Cool Cat. He talks about how guns can stop crime. When he talks about the Pulse Nightclub Shooting he reassures that he is in fact straight and that some of his best friends are gay. Yay, diversity. The show says the movie is 105 minutes, but the website says 88 minutes. Who knows? Take a shot every time he advertises his film/Cool Cat and whenever he pauses randomly. Actually, do it for all of his videos.
Next comes Cool Cat Kids Superhero which was released in 2018, I think. It’s the same as Cool Cat Saves the Kids, but with added new scenes and a new celebrity: Cynthia Rothrock. Okay, so his website says this is coming soon as does almost everything. You can purchase a Cool Cat DVD and it might be this movie, it might be the other one.
Derek Savage dropping some mad knowledge pic.twitter.com/Vk3NGvzgJL
— Saltydkdan (@saltydkdan) March 14, 2018
After the tragedy of the Parkland shooting, Derek “Hi, I’m Derek Savage, creator of Cool Cat” Savage, took to Twitter and said something must be done about these shootings, so he decided to make a film. A few days later he sent out a Twitter poll asking what it should be called, so I exercised my voting rights and voted for what would be the eventual winner. The winner was Cool Cat Stops a School Shooting. The other options were Cool Cat – a School Shooting Safety Film and School Shooting – a Cool Cat Safety Film. Currently he is still working on it. The film also stars Vivica A. Fox so either he just recycles her footage from his previous film or he some dirt on her. But the absurdity does not end there, folks. Roughly a week ago, he made a comment on an article about teen suicide and how something needs to be done about it. So hopefully (not really) after this film is made, Derek “Don’t Commit Suicide, Cool Cat Loves You” Savage will make a film addressing teen suicide. I bet if Daddy Derek had a time machine he would go back in time to produce a film called Cool Cat Stops the Holocaust, Cool Cat’s List, or Triumph des Cool Cat. Anyways, expect more misguided films.
So that’s the continuing story Derek Savage, creator of Cool Cat. The hero we all need, but don’t deserve. The best way to describe this is it’s The Room of PSAs. Below are links to relevant media.
Your Movie Sucks
Cool Cat Review Part 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C67thOEtVNQ
Cool Cat Learns Fair Use:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5ZmVheuxpo
I Hate Everything
Cool Cat Review: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HoTZZYm2HZI
Movie Commentary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZimL8vJejY
One of the videos detailing his feud with Derek Savage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0qoD3viXL0
Cool Cat Kids Superhero Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Df5afXRZC1g
Gun Self-Defense for Ladies: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1TjA-wE35o&pbjreload=10
Cool Cat Stops a School Shooting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yqd-aWDC5-0
The Savage Crime Show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZ7oaTdgJSQ
Dare he izz: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vnjq2L8xIqQ
Mad Guitar Skills: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ifRslHXh7Q
Indiegogo for new movie: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/cool-cat-stops-a-school-shooting-a-safety-film–2#/
Ian is a Zoology major also minoring in German. He is fan of horror movies and punk rock. He has also seen an unhealthy number of bad movies.